Journaling

Disclaimer: This post will be boring, no pictures, nothing exciting, just information so that I can write down everything that has gone on the past year so that I will remember what happened when.  I should have been writing everything down while it was happening because I'm already forgetting what happened when, but this will just have to do.  Also, this post is not for ANYONE to feel bad for us or think that I'm writing this on the blog so that people will know about it or to get sympathy.  It is only so that I have everything written down to look back on someday.

A year ago we had decided to start trying to have a baby.  We had been married for 2 years and we knew it might take us a bit to actually get preg so we decided it was a good time.  All the time we were married we knew we wanted to wait until we were financially stable, had good insurance and would be able to have a kid without anyone's help financially.  We wanted to make sure Dal would be close to done with school so that it wouldn't be too rough on him trying to work and get an engineering degree.

Never in a million years did I think it would take this long, and honestly, compared to most people that struggle with infertiility we are still at the very beginning.  I feel bad because SO many people try for way longer than we have even thought about.  People in our own families have had this struggle and dealt with it for way longer and way better than I have.  I honestly look up to them so much and think about them so often.

So here's my timeline for myself:
After 2 months of trying, we actually got pregnant, but found out it was an ectopic pregnancy, which can be dangerous but mine turned out ok.  We were of course devastated but it was still early in the process and were glad to know that we could most likely get pregnant for real in the long run.  That was in May.

We decided to go to the doc to get everything checked out, I think that was beginning of November.  My initial tests all came back good which meant there could possibly be a deeper problem that I have or that it was Dallan. He couldn't get in to get tested for a few weeks, so in the mean time the doctors had me gain a few pounds, keep working out 4-5 days a week and eating small meals more often to see if that would help. Dal was tested the end of that month and everything came back good.

 Right after that we found out we were pregnant again. This was the beginning of December.  We were SO excited but at the same time, it didn't seem real.  I couldn't believe it because I had had a positive before and before I knew it it was gone.  The same thing happened with this.  We new for a few days and were so excited and planning everything, and then I took another test just to be sure and again, the positive had turned into a negative.  The day after that I dealt with all of the "passing" of everything and the doctors just told me to take it easy that day.  Since I was not far along at all I didn't have to get a D&C or anything like that, which was good.

As for now, we are just kind of playing a waiting game.  Are next 2 options are to get a laparascopy for possible endometriosis or do artificial insemination.  We are waiting until Dal is done with this rough semester and we kind of have the summer off to deal with any of that.  Who knows, it may happen on its own in the meantime and we wont have to have any of that done.  I probably won't ever get in Clomid because there are some studies say that it can lead to Ovarian cancer faster if you have a high risk of that, which I may because of my aunt who is dealing with it, so my doctor doesn't want me to do any of that.  My doc also said I just may have a hard time ever being able to sustain a pregnancy and carry normally, since I have been able to get pregnant twice, but this is all preliminary, we honestly don't really know.

We know this is still early and its only been a year, and that people try for WAY longer than we have and I am completely aware of it.  Everyone tells us to "quit worrying about it" or "it will happen when it's supposed to" and "atleast you know you can get pregnant" but sometimes nothing really helps to hear when EVERYONE around you is pregnant.

  I can honestly say that I am so happy when I hear that someone else is, and I don't want anyone to think that I'm not happy for people cause I really am.  I will not be happier when I hear I have more nieces or nephews coming, because I still always think that if for some reason we really can't have kids, I'll atleast have them, cause I pretty much feel like they're my own kids anyways.

So ya, this was my rant about everything and it is truly just for a journal for me and Dal.  We honestly feel so blessed and are lucky in so many ways and really have nothing to complain about. Sorry if this was a boring post but I really did need to get this written somewhere and this is my only place I journal anything.